[Mexico] Ensenada

 Ensenada

After two days at sea   we make it to Mexico 

Papas and beer. This is the most over stimulating shit I’ve ever experienced. I got whistles blowing in my face. Airhorns going off and abuelas trying to sell me Cubans . 3 hombres trying to seat me at different tables simultaneously. They got no Modelo? Beers come with authentic Mexican dirt on the rim. Margaritas are meh

I got the Jesus on the cross tinnitus experience so we ordered some guac. Looks legit but we only got 7 chips. A lil spicy and Tasty but too much salt. The vibes here are not immaculate but it’s how it should be. 

Next bar has no name and absolutely no electricity. There’s a guy selling garlic cloves on the street outside. I’m on my Wario shit so this is a good move. There’s some Good watching up here. A little guy with a whip. Had to use the ladies bathroom in the dark I could really use some silent disco headphones. These Mexican faucets are something else

 

Some tacos came up. First thoughts. Salsa is spicy and good Tex on the meat. Tortilla shell anove avg. they have a great habanero salsa. Views are excellent. I am in a solid 

Stop 3 hossongs. Sounds like a Chinese place but this is it where the marg was invented. It’s good. I like the salt. It’s very positive. There’s a mariachi group performing in here. I threw an elbow at the maraca guy my mistake. Now I can’t get up to take a piss cause I’d upset the mariachi guy. Do I have to jump this table? This bathroom is in 1892. Why does this faucet have a condom on it

Anthony bordains tostada stand. It was ok I guess I took a selfie with the lady. I thought cod was white but I got a beef tartare or some shit. 

 

Bar andluz - Mary immaculate 6th grade hurricane vibes. Bout to renew my faith in god over the mango marg. “Nothing is more terrifying than an adult Catholic convert”. To bring it all home I got a mexican glizzy. Soft bun. Ketchup lacks viscosity. It’s growing on me. 

 

Ensenada Mexico overall 4.1/10. I feel bad for my friend who thought we were cruising to Cabo.

[Government Camp] The Taco Shoppe

Pre-lgaming we are trying to figure out what this places menu is like. The website has coupons and a gallery but no food list. Do I need to print this? The Airbnb doesn’t have an epson.

I walk in and there’s a sub 13 year old working the register. I like the merch this place offers. Multiple TVs with cable. What upsets me is the emphasis on coffee like this place doesn’t want to full send on being a Mexican restaurant. The menu is in comic sans. I think I trust this 9 year old he runs a tight shop too bad he can’t make the margs. “The child labor makes it more authentically Mexican” - a person of Mexican descent. I can’t get over this kid he doesn’t call his mom “mom” he calls her Judy

Margs - strong and I like it. The modelo and Diet Coke are alright too. A tequila Diet Coke was ordered and they actually served it but there’s a lack of equity in these cup sizes

Fish tacos - two layers of flour tortillas which is weird but it’s good. Rice misses, beans good. Bullish on it (cheap labor)

Chicken burrito - ya know itsnsolid but it’s not gonna blow your mind I’m also very hungry. Food comes out fast here there’s still not chips and salsa and it’s ruining the flow of my paulhub review. Toward the end we lost containment.

I like how wrapped the tacos are. They look pretty good when they get undressed. The person who ordered these tacos called the filling “hamburger meat” so the opinions are invalid

5 meals been served but Chips and salsa are finally out. Worth the wait. This salsa is fire. Really strong habanero kick. Chips have a pita vibe

Wet New Mexico burrito. Playoff caliber sauce. Rice a lil Al dente. I’m getting dry vibes so could be wetter I guess. This place is so New Mexico themed it got us talking about visiting Mexico

Enchilada came out in some baby plate cause they ran out of aluminum. Had to order more sauce. On the menu u had a plural on the number of items. Lil disappointed.l but the beans are flavorful.

Bathroom is pretty fuggin sick it’s got a sancho wanted poster. Toilet seats kinda hangs loose. There is a December calendar hung up and it’s currently January 2024. The more I look around the more I feel like I’m stuck inside an escape room. Adequate soap and water pressure.

Fuck we forgot to use those coupons but This place is a NEW Mexican gem minus the rice. 7.8/9.3

[Packwood] Nachos

This places slogan “yes, we are open” brings me back to the happy memories of COVID lockdown. I roll up at 4 pm a couple Michelin ultras deep. Not even hungry but here we go.

First take is this place smells good. I locked eyes with a guy in the kitchen. Well it doesn’t smell like packwood. There’s a lot of Valentine’s Day shit up which I guess they celebrate in Mexico. There’s a lot of maps in this place

Chips and salsa have a garlic kick. Pretty good. Chips are probably Juanita’s but at least they microwaved them. I like the number of specific digits on the menu prices. Queso dip does not give me joy. This is some fuckin jar queso. I can’t remember the brand but it’s the kind I wouldn’t eat if someone pulled it out at a tailgate

Margaritas come up to 40 oz. We got 8 and they came all at once. This waitress is strong as shit. I’m not trying to do math but there’s a good tequila ratio in here.

Enchiladas verde. I like the plate. Beans aight. Rice aight. Verde sauce is good. They missed the enchilada when they poured it on. Not the warmest in the middle.

Chile Colorado. Lol this shit looks like dog food. Taste like cube meat drizzled with A1 sauce and a lil paprika.

Burrito Al pastor. Wtf this so big for. Long and strong. 13 inch or so. Pretty good taste 7.10/10. I didn’t wanna eat it all but I did.

Chipotle camarones it’s creamy. The right amount of cream. If I were allergic to shrimp I wouldn’t eat this.

Pollo chipotle. I think I like it. This is traditional Jalisco or so I would say if I knew Jalisco.

Camarones con cream. Not cam bells cream of mushroom. It’s good I can’t tell what ocean the shrimp are from though. This dish had exactly one slice of bell pepper.

Tacos. Mid. I think these were supposed to be appetizers cause everyone’s else’s food is better than mine.  I’m literally taking the dregs of the salsa and pouring it on. I like that wet taco. Let’s spoon some shipotle on. Wish the table had hot sauce

Bathrooms. Across from the “TRUCKIN ROOM By Jim and patty”.  Doorknob pretty greasy. All the amenities if ever need. Like how they give a urinal option. Good water pressure on sink. Employees given ample instructions to wash hands

I feel like this was a BDSM experience because I’m full but it hurt me a lot to get here. Final thought. We keep asking for the check but they won’t bring it. I don’t know how much longer I can keep packing my wood here. I’m in packwood eating at a Mexican restaurant. This is about what I expect. 2.56/10

[Bend] Hola!

Bend OR cause it’s someone’s birthday. Stern but unclear instructions on where to sit. The ambiance is somewhere between a Ron Jon surf shop and a turtle sanctuary gift shop. I like the copper top on this table but I can smell it. I wonder how often the proprietors Polish this. Words on the menu are too spanish

Chips and salsa. Unconventional fantastic. There’s a green one with tomatillo maybe. Maybe it’s just Cilantro. orange one tastes like meat. There’s some Tajin in the bottom of my water cup. I’m probably responsible for this but I can’t be sure. Chip refills are very effective. 

 

Waiter Is a friendly chap he told me to get a red cactus flavor margaritav pitcher so I am. Red cactus came with an orange slice like a blue moon. Maybe a little green onion stem too. salt and Tajin on the rim taking me on a ride. 

Man this waiter is great but I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. I guess Off the menu you can order a Sancho to creep in your house with a bad knee and fuck your wife. I love this guy. People in bend are so friendly. 

Sancho de La chancho - much bien. The tomato’s are juicy and hot. I can feel it. Will evaluate this later based on If I become a Sancho tonight 

Lenguado camarones - this good shit. I feel like I’m pitbull on a transcontinental flight. Red onions and a bunch of sea critters. Every now and then I discover a new sea creature and I like it. 

Enchiladas camarones - it’s alright. I give it a 4 out of 5. One star reduced because my fork is caca. Ya know all the ingredients are here but not cohesive. But I’m gonna be able to get through the night. 

Salad with rice and chicken - not the most risky order. It feels healthy 

Bowl of ceviche -a little limey. Fresh. 

Chile rellano - thumb up. I really like they put corn inside it. Sauce is tangy but savory at the same time. I’m pretty happy. 

Bathroom is outside the restaurant and you need a key to enter it. Seems like a lot of work to take a piss. I could in the same time go outside on a brick wall. Got sexually harassed in the bathroom by a man who looks like Ron Perlman. I don’t have much to say about this Bathroom overall was ok but not the best experience. I learned a lesson about being a lady in public

Overall 5.25/6.13 Sanchos. I am the Sancho and the sancho’d. The Sanchode. 

[Richland] Inca Mexican Restaurant

This is the third restaurant I’ve tried to eat at tonight so here I am.

Bathrooms- they got a separate sound system in here playing Spanish R&B. Mens and womens restroom were easily distinguishable. There’s a circuit breaker about 3 ft away from the toilet. Why? I’m sure violates some kind of electrical code. If power goes out in the restaurant the man locked in here taking a shit is the only one capable of keeping the restaurant running. I can’t stop thinking about this. I like the tile work. Good flow on the faucets.

Ambiance: quiet. There is no music. A television plays NFL silently. The sound of my molars grinding against corn chips is the only soundtrack in here. Ceiling has a fair amount of water damage but I can’t judge. We are all damaged. Just noticed There’s a SECOND circuit breaker out here

Salsa cold, Ragu like. Thin with few chunks of veggies. Not sure where or why they source this

The salsa is bad but the Art Deco in this place. Brings me to the hacienda. Gorgeous scenes of baby lambs and stallions in their stables. An industrial printer. I kinda don’t like these chips but I won’t stop eating them. All 4 salsas on this table are distinclt different

Drink: Raspberry margarita. Came with an orange for some reason like a blue moon. Low in tequila like a blue moon should be too. Striation in the blend makes this look like Jupiter. Got to the bottom and now I just feel empty. There’s olives in the house marg which I think is illegal. Non blended margs come out with a shaker. Diet Pepsi tasted like Diet Pepsi I think.

Why is a quesadilla an appetizer?

California burrito - who the fuck taught these people what a California burrito is. no avocado on this motherfucker. Maybe the avocado is in the burrito? Nope. Looks like a salad. Too much mole sauce.

Enchilada suizas - tasty but generic. The refried beans stand alone as king of this dish. Everything is coleslaw

Carne a safe burrito - there’s a whole fucking avocado on this burrito. I’m beyond triggered.

Carne asada - tortillas are whatever. It’s very large. There’s a lot of uncertainty in this meal

Seafood burrito - scallop are off color. But there are a lot of them which I like. Every dish has a salad that tastes like the inside of an egg roll. Cheesy linguini sauce on this burrito

Mole - this mole sauce on most dishes is fucking awful. I imagine the recipe consists of sweet baby ray BBQ sauce and water.

Enchiladas 3 ways - it’s pretty good. I like the cream enchilada the best and it was what kind I was looking forward to the least.

I give this place a 1.4/10. If this building had no mole it would shoot up to a 4.5. There’s music now and it’s fucking ABBA.